E01 · Welcome to The Assistant, Now Go Home
7/12/2004
The show opens up with a corny introduction about the show with Andy looking somewhat impressive atop a hill. All of the potential assistants are introduced one by one. When all the introductions are finished, to everyone's surprise Andy announces he's already going to eliminate someone. After the first elimination ceremony where Andrew is the unfortunate victim (with Mark barely scraping past), Andy shows the assistants where they are to sleep -- cots located in the garage. Andy also gives them a book about himself filled with all sorts of information. His turnons, when he lost his virginity, etc.
Later on, he makes an offhand comment about the grass being too long and Tanika, one of the assistants, grabs some scissors and cuts the grass. Suddenly, Andy announces there will be yet another elimination. But not before Andy invites the assistants to play a game in his living room: Who wants to be Andy's Assistant? After the rounds are over, there are three assistants who received the lowest scores. Colin, Nikeda, and Sarah. Unfortunately for Nikeda, she only got 1 of her 5 questions correct and she is the second assistant to become eliminated.
E02 · Sarah & Jeff Get Snip, Snip, Clipped
7/19/2004
Andy wakes up all of the remaining assistants to assign them all various tasks. Stefani is to train Andy's cat to sit on his shoulder, Colin has to find Andy's glass lens in the pool, etc.
After checking on all of the assistants to see how they are doing in their tasks, Andy invites all of the assistants to dinner where Ebony and Melissa perform from scripts (their required task). After dinner, it is time for the elimination ceremony, with the setting being America's Next Top Andy's Assistant.
Looking at footage from each assistant and then having them walk, Andy slowly hands each assistant a cell phone if they are still in the running. The last three standing are Sarah, Jeff, and Mark. After viewing footage of Jeff throwing food around the kitchen and telling Andy to "f*ck himself", Andy decides to eliminate him along with his partner, Sarah.
E03 · Happy
7/26/2004
Once again, the episode opens up with Andy Dick snoring away in his Paul Frank pajamas. Max the butler goes to wake up the assistants to tell them a secret: it's Andy's birthday and it's supposed to be a secret! All of the assistants are given tasks relating to the party. Getting the food, reserving a limo, etc. Max reveals there is one extra task, so... the show has decided to bring back Nikeda, much to the dismay of the other assistants.
When Melissa goes to invite Andy to a dinner, she founds out that Andy locked himself in a closet claiming he's not happy. After much coaxing, Melissa finally gets him to the party where he reveals what I knew all along: It's not his birthday. At the party, his ex-girlfriend was somehow invited, and she throws a glass of water in Andy's face, causing him to leave the party.
That night, the theme for the elimination is Survivor. Nikeda is once again eliminated. After that, Andy chooses to eliminated Ebony for her quietness and apparent laziness. While extinguishing her torch however, some bushes catch on fire.
E04 · Clean up in Aisle Vomit
8/2/2004
That morning, Andy wakes up to find himself in need of the vomit bucket. After having Colin clean the vomit bucket, Andy hands out various assignments to the assistants. Tanika and Mykell have to get Andy a Hollywood Walk of Fame star, Stefani and Melissa have to take out Andy's "Little Brother", Anna has to look over scripts with guest star Jack Osbourne, etc.
Melissa and Stefani take the "Little Brother" bowling, Tanika and Mykell have no luck convincing the committee people to give Andy a star, and Anna instead of looking over scripts, goes ice skating with Jack. At elimination, the room is decked out in 'Apprentice' gear. Two by two, Andy dismisses the assistants back to the garage until only Anna and Mark are left. In the end, Mark is fired!
E05 · Tall Tales & Campfire Stories
8/9/2004
Andy calls all of the assistants to his room. Suddenly, he announces that Stefani is clipped because she was the last one to enter the room. Everyone is shocked, but not for long. For Andy's announced -- "We're going camping!"
At the campsite, Andy gives strange analogies and attempts to teach "life lessons". Barely halfway through the episode, Andy announces it's time for another elimination...of his bladder. At night, Andy has the assistants make fools of themselves as they do a Hollywood musical.
Back at the house, Andy administers a lie detector test to the assistants at 2 o'clock in the morning. After all the tests are finished, Andy decides to clip Anna because he felt she wasn't truthful with him.
E06 · Spa Day
8/16/2004
The Assistants all rush to Andy's bedside after being called, Stefani's elimination still fresh in their minds. Upon entering Andy's room, they are surprised to see Jen, Andy's exgirlfriend in the bed with him. The first big oops! is after ordering the assistants to order a limo, a large pink one appears causing Andy and Jenn to get annoyed.
Since the "nice" hotel apparently lost their reservation, Andy and his girlfriend are forced to go to a cheaper hotel. Since Andy and Jen are not satisfied, the assistants bring in some homosexual help. Still, Andy and Jen are not happy. The group returns to the house where they see they are on the set of Andy's Assistant, American Idol style. In the end, Andy decides to cut Colin and Mykell, leaving only Tanika and Melissa.
E07 · And Then There Were Two
8/23/2004
Standing in Andy's bedroom, Melissa and Tanika are shocked by the return of Mark, who was clipped in episode 4. After the re-introduction, Andy shows the remaining assistants a horribly disgusting plate given to him by Glenn Close (supposedly).
Deciding he is stressed, Andy has his therapist over. Unfortunately, Dave Navarro decides to crash the house--and the plate. After Andy decides Dave and his bandmate Stephen Perkins are making too much noise on their guitar and drums, he has the assistants kick them out.
At elimination, Andy decides to do a Fear Factor theme. In the second round, the assistants have to eat some type of gross food. When Tanika gets hoghead cheese, she finds it too much to bear and is the next one to get clipped.
E08 · Happily Ever After in Hollyweird
8/30/2004
Instead of the usual blaring sirens, all is quiet at Andy's mansion. Talking to the camera, Andy debates on who he should pick. Unfortunately, he can't dwindle on that now -- he has to head out to an Improv club, he has a performance!
Returning back to the mansion after a somewhat embarrassing performance at the club, Andy prepares for the final clipping. Walking out into the driveway, Mark and Melissa see a strange sight. Something out of a fairy tale awaits them (along with a red carpet). Having Mark approach him, Andy tells him to leave. Melissa shrieks with joy as she realizes the truth. She, is The Assistant!
