The misadventures of hapless cafe owner René Artois and his escapades with the Resistance in occupied France.
9/7/1984
The Colonel and the Captain mull over their situation and decide they should probably hand over René and the painting to the Gestapo in order to get rid of Herr Flick. But René convinces them that they could hand over a forged copy of the painting instead (with the assistance of a conveniently-located forger), and gets them to lend their uniforms to the escaping British airmen so they can take the painting to England to be forged. Meanwhile, everyone keeps handing René poison pills "to make it easier", Herr Flick decides his relationship with Helga should include an intimate dinner in Rene's back room, and Hans figures out that putting cheese in one's ears improves the sound of Madame Edith's singing.
9/14/1984
After the Colonel's and the Captain's uniforms are borrowed by the British airmen, and later burned, they have to send for replacements. Supplied by Michelle are carrier pigeons, which Madame Edith accidentally cooks and serves to Herr Otto Flick.
9/21/1984
The Colonel, the Captain and Herr Flick are all disguised as onion sellers while the German uniforms are being remade by the Jewish tailors of London. Michelle delivers a bottle of nitro-glycerin disguised as a bottle of Bols Gin to hide in the café until they come to fetch it that night to blow up a German railway.
9/28/1984
Hans mistakes the nitro for gin and accidentally blows up the railway himself! The Germans capture René, Yvette, and the peasant-disguised Colonel and Captain. As Helga, Leclerc, and Edith each attempt to help the gang escape, General Von Klinkerhoffen arrives in town and demands that the only known saboteur be shot. This means René's death by firing squad, with Lieutenant Gruber in charge of the squad!
10/5/1984
René tries to go back to his normal life after his fake execution, posing as his twin brother, also named René, but the funeral arrangements are difficult when there is no body. Monsieur Leclerc is cheaper than the regular priest and the coffin is filled with anti-tank bombs.
10/19/1984
The Communist Resistance want to make a martyr out of the dead René, and kidnap the Colonel and the Captain at the Captain's birthday party. To make matters worse, they offer them on a platter to René's supposed twin brother, so that he can shoot them.
10/26/1984
The Colonel's birthday party is the perfect opportunity to retrieve the real painting of the Fallen Madonna with the Big Boobies from Herr Flick, and substitute it with the forgery. The plan is to not invite Herr Flick but make sure that he hears about the big binge – a traditional feast with genuine Bavarian dances featuring girls dressed as the Hitler Youth – so that he will have to come. In the meantime, René and Edith are to enter the office of Herr Flick to make the switch. Of course, they fail – which means Herr Flick now has both the fake and the original plus a second forgery, which he commissioned in order to fund his marriage with Helga after the war.
